Thursday, November 19, 2015

Acceptance and humility...key tools used on the road to living a balanced life under the spottlight

I have to post the following message from time to time. I will apologize in advance to friends and fans who have been with me for some time now. You have read the likes of the following message before.

I am eternally grateful to anyone who takes the time to write me. One of the toughest pills to swallow has been my coming to terms with my own limitations. When I first got into the Industry, I made it a point to respond to every message. I soon came to be spending most of my waking days online. This for me is not living and I am unable to keep my social media sites relevant.

There is a price that I pay for the success. It was a life lesson in acceptance and humility. The first (acceptance) was a bitter pill to swallow. Ego was the motivation behind my need to spend most waking days responding to messages. It was important that you did not think I was someone who did not care. Even at the expense of neglecting family friends and my own serenity. Once I was able to identify my character defect. I returned to a solution based perspective. Balance, in all things is the key for me. It is what my life journey is about.

Humility, was just as tricky. There is no one in this world that I put on a pedestal before me. It is not something that I covet for myself. It is a trap, One that I would not want to fall into. Perfection is the only way to survive if you chose this path. I god I am far from. If you allow someone to place you above them they will turn on you when they see your humanity/flaws.

My parents where the last two deities that I toppled. When that happened they became more than just my mother and farther. They became my friends perfect in their imperfections.

Do not ask me to give up living life and experiencing all that it has to offer. The answer will always be no. I cannot respond to 99% of the messages. The ratio is 1 to 20000. Do the math. It is an impossibility. Learning to filter the hate messages that came with people who believed I was being rude by not responding to them was necessary yet hurt all the same.

 Many will not read this. It is an unfortunate fact. I have been in the entertainment industry for only 6 years. I have made many rookie mistakes. I had no mentors. There was no how to manual. In hind site, I believe this was a good thing. I came to being in my own unique way.

If anyone ever wants to get to know the real me? All you have to do is visit any of my social media site especially the blogs. I am an open book and like my parents. I am perfect in my imperfections.

Much love to family and friends for being patient with me as I continue to grow up and find my own unique way of living in this environment we call the entertainment industry.

Andrew Adam Caldwell​ took the first picture

Thursday, October 15, 2015

"Bless your heart" A very southern phrase with a double meaning.

The ability to chose when to take the bate or pass on potential conflicts is one of the best gifts I have earned through the passage of time.
Never will I waist time or energy on a subject/person whom I have deemed not worth the investment.
In short when receiving obnoxious messages, I will always opt for the non response. And in the old southern tradition simply thinking "bless your heart".  Which can also mean fuck you, depending on how it is worded.

Andrew Adam Caldwell​  took this picture

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Having a balanced life, while working in the entertainment industry...not as easy as...

I am keenly aware that it can be frustrating for those trying to contact me. My choices are limited to spending my life on the computer or. Suffering the consequences of those who feel I am not appreciative enough to respond to messages.
The later was half serious. I am eternally grateful for expressed interest but two hours of my life everyday is more than enough of my time set asside for responding to questions.
If I do not get to you? It only means I was not able. If it i...s work related? This is never where you want to reach me. my home page is the place.
Thank you in advance for understanding that there is a life for me outside the social media sites and I wish to live it well.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

"For we all have our own crosses we must bare. It does not always have to be done alone..."

In my lifetime I have had the opportunity to live through many challenges.  Some have been so extreme that I had to make decisions which where in direct conflict with my intergrity. The definition of intergrity is " Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code". I memorized this some twenty years ago after when I had the opportunity to redefine my core beliefs.  The catalyst behind paradigm shift was a failed attempt at suicide. After a male therapist pulled my pants down during a session sucked my cock, came on my pants and reminded me as he was zipping up his pants of next weeks meeting.

I was fortunate to find a therapist whom I could trust.  In time with a lot of work I was able to redefine who I was and what I wanted to become. Making my outside appearance more inline with my inside.  In life I find when I am not in a state of balance? That is to say. The person I see in the mirror is not the same person others see. Living becomes more of a chore than that of joy.

On the road as much as I tend to be there is no Para shoot for me. Before traveling to Europe I had caught the train from New York to DC. At the station I was asking directions. One man distracted me while his partner stole my computer bag. Credit cards, passport, all other identifications. This just days before scheduled flight to Europe. I might add this occurred at 8pm.

I could not check into my hotel the two people that I did know where unavailable. Even if family and friends sent me money that late. I could do nothing with it regarding getting a room to sleep in.  Having to seek help from someone I hardly knew is a dangerous thing. Especially for one in the adult entertainment industries. One can find themselves in a place not at all palatable to ones personal security.

Yet the lesson of humility comes into play once more as it has in the past and like to continue throughout my life. Ego taken out of play, I sought and received help. The next 5 days where difficult replacing passport. Getting additional help from family and friends I was able to continue my journey. Not without a price. But life is about balance working through the obstacles I gained a new perspective.

That was also a gift in the form of empathy.

Empathy is a curious emotion. One can not have it for another unless you share similar experiences. It is a beautiful gift we share with one another. When I see a human struggling as I have struggled in different times of my life. My heart goes to them and if I am able I will assist if by no other way than to wish them a good journey in their lives.

 For we all have our own crosses we must bare. It does not always have to be done alone. Being able to know when to seek assistance is growth for me. But also giving back that which was so freely given to me is a blessing.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Easier to tell you what I am not looking for in a potential partner....

I am single and have been single for the past 20 plus years. I would never rule out dating someone. It's just that I am a little independent.
"Little" was an understatement.
It is easier to share what I am not looking for than what I am. When it comes to dating.
Top turnoff for me when it comes to considering someone to date
1 "You need someone to take care of you."
Really, if I wanted a daddy I would move back with my father and not worry about f****** when I don't feel like it.
2 "We should do everything together."
3 You will never impress me with your material things... I am happy that you have them but they mean nothing to me.
My friends who know me know me well. I hate shopping. I'm comfortable with my stings but I could do without them.
You are much better off telling me you're a great cook.
4 You complete me will definitely make me RUN as quickly as possible away from you. It reeks of codependency. If your happiness is contingent on me making you happy you set me up to fail every time.
Better to say you compliment me.
5. Insecurity is not cute. Do not ask me to tell you I love you every single day. It loses its meaning.
6 Desperate does not look good on anyone.
7 Never ask me "why am I with you?". Because then I'm wondering, why I am?
8 "You work too much you should spend more time with me"
Do not seek to change me. You will fail every time.
9 I do not compete with others for another person's attention. It is childish and quite insulting.
Beauty for me comes in all shapes and sizes... The way you look its just a small part of the complete picture for me.
A good place to start is loving yourself first. I will respect you for doing that.

These pictures were taken by Andrew Adam Caldwell

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