Saturday, November 22, 2014

Atlanta, a city I once called home. Why I have been reluctant until now, to return.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I awoke to what I can only describe as and erotic dream...

It is far too early for me to be up.  I awoke this morning having had one of my erotic dreams. I do not get them as often as I did in

the past. I am certain it has a lot to do with the way I live today. It is a rare occurrence these days for me to go to bed without

taking care of a thing that gives my so much pleasure.

My mouth was salivating and and my stomach wanting. Fortunately I have in my infinite wisdom planned for such an event as this. My

room was dark and I am not yet ac

refrigerator  the louder my stomach roared. The leftovers from the night before will have to do.

After consumption, serenity is restored. All is right in my world. I will return to slumber now. Do not  seek me out for another few

hours. Unless I am fortunate to have another erotic dream about food. I hope the next time I dream of sushi, it has been a while.


I have never in my life to this day had what friends have described as a "wet dream".  I envy those who have.  The closest I got to

one was waking to a good friend humping my leg while he had one in his sleep. I was not amused.  Good morning and good night.

Buster Sly
Sylvester Lee Neal
custom to the layout of my apartment. I allowed instincts to take over. The closer I got to the

Monday, November 17, 2014

Empathy, with another human being comes not from walking in their shoes. It comes from having similar life experiences

"I know am far away from you. I am a no body in the Caribbean and in the world, but u are a handsome black man, wish I could meet you or even talk to you." (out of respect he will remain anonymous)

Empathy, with another human being comes not from walking in their shoes. It comes from having similar life experiences. Looking for what I have in common, instead of what makes me different. 

Request such as the one made, hit me hard. What he ask from his perspective is more than reasonable. He only wants what we all want and that is to find someone we can share with.  Unattainable expectations have been placed on my shoulder. There is not enough time in the day to respond.  Even if I where to forgo everything else in my life and only respond to similar messages.  I have tried and failed repeatedly the cost included neglecting family, friends and challenging my own serenity.

My ego running rampant, to believe I was capable of doing such a thing. The interest achieved over  the years of hard work have come with  a price. I rarely make time to speak with my family and have lost old friends when they where not at the top of the list when it came to how I prioritized my days. I understand completely. Five years ago, when I chose this path. I asked a few who had been in the industry what I would need to do to have any measure of success. Driven was the common denominator along with the career taking top bill over almost everything else. At least in the first 4-5 years. Likely much longer depending upon where I

wish to take it.

Balance in my life must include a life outside of this. I can not write about what is going on if I do not experience them first hand.  Some have asked me "When will I return to working in the industry?"

All of these things have one thing in common. Time is required to achieve them. I was reminded of my limitations today when I woke to darkness. I had slept the entire day away. This only happens when I have pushed my body so hard that it pushes back and sleep is no longer up for discussion.

I will share little on the following subject and ask that you do not bring it up for I will not reply. It is of a family matter and I make it a habit only to speak of myself. Leaving friends and family out of my public life. The past few months I have three close family members in and out of the hospital. With one still there. I will be returning to my home town soon for that very reason.

I am grateful to any who takes the time out of their lives to write me. I asked that you accept my limitations. I posed this simple question to any who believe that I bare ill will on them and that is the reason why I have not responded.

How can I have any feelings be them good or bad if we have yet to meet? It is more likely that at present time I am simply unable to respond. 

Buster Sly
Sylvester L Neal.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

I will be present but away for almost two weeks...teaching an old dog new tricks

During the next two weeks I will begin the process to get rid of my predisposition in my dislike of things of the electronic nature. Never beleiving there would come a day when the unthinkable became a universal truth. I must embrace technology in the form of computers, cell phones and the applications that they run on.

After having my profile placed on a 7 day restricted access due to another picture posted on this site that showed far too much. The cost for my apathy has exceeded the benefit that comes from being blissfully ignorant of sites such as Facebook,Twitter, Tumblr.Linkedin, G+. Modelmahem,, Instagram, Outlook, Dropbox, Blogger, and Flickr.

All of the sites mention are managed and updated daily. With others such as this one commanding on average 5 hours of my day. I am including my Fan Page. My justification for only learning the bare minimum has always been my inability to find the time to invest in being more proficient. The truth behind that half truth is my distaste and resentment that I have harbored for what amounts to balls and chains.

There is a flaw in this way of thinking that I have overlooked these past 4 years. That is, if I am to believe the computers I have owned have a direct line to Satan himself? All that has transpired with regards to things of the electronic nature are simply the Gods conspiring against me. Then why subject myself to the horror everyday.

One of the most powerful tool I have at my disposal in keeping people, places or things from challenging my serenity. Is knowing I am in control of the reality I chose to live in. If there is something I do not like about the life that I live, I can chose to address it or chose to do nothing but pass the blame on others. the victim mentality I have written much on. It is the one personality trait that is a deal breaker for me. That is if I come across such a lost soul.

My work days start early and end very late. I rarely make time to eat my food without it getting cold. I can justify my actions. Follow me for a day or two and it is likely I would get a sympathetic ear. The fact of the matter has been my willingness to tie one hand behind my back while everyone else used both.

The two weeks will have me online at various social media sites developing a better understanding as to how they work using applications that I have been reluctant to read the "how to" instructions. This failure alone has caused me to be kicked off this site a few times because I did not understand what it meant to link accounts sharing data. Especially when one has a material with adult content and the other does not.

When I am online I will not be available to chat. It is a distraction I can no longer justify or afford. For all business related inquires. The best way for me to receive time sensitive information is to use my site where you will find two different  contact forms. They are designed so that I can be more effective at prioritizing my day.

I will embrace the computer Gods where ever they reside. Finally accepting this computer thing is not just a fad that will run its course then be replaced by something just as frivolous.  Dread will be replaced by a hunger to learn something new. Ignorance can only be applied for so long. There comes a time soon after when I am responsible for my actions and placing the blame no matter how well it looks, in the end only slows down my spiritual growth.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Abusive relationships....It takes two for it to work.

Violence is never the answer when it is directed at the person you love. .
Abusive behavior towards a loved one is not limited to being physically assaulted.

A partner can be abusive on an emotional level. The end result is the same. I spent the better part of today assisting a dear friend of mine with separating himself from such a relationship.

I had learned many years ago not to take sides and demonize a friends partner when they are caught up in this cycle. I would most likely be cut off from any future visits with him. Even if what I spoke where the exact words coming from his mouth.

The best I can do is to remove myself from potentially volatile encounters with the two while i was present,, And wait for my friend to decide he had enough.

 Aid/assistance of that magnitude only comes once. I will not help you move out of a hostile environment. While having to watch both our backs because your partner has now landed the blame squarely on my doorsteps as to the reason you are leaving. Can you say victim mentality.

If  you return to your partner after asking for my aid? Never wake me again over anything related to the two of you, I will not become an enabler and get caught up in the drama. It only distracts me from working on my own shit. And we all know I need all the help I can muster.

It was painful to loose my friend for these past two years. Harder to visit only to see a new wound on his face. But abandon a friend, I think not.

One more point I wish to make. We as humans are creatures habit. The devil you know. I have been single of these 20 plus years because of my ability to pick the same type of personality trait in my partners. They all ended up the same way. The cycle would never have been broken unless an outside source in the form of my therapist.

She stated that there is one thing my ex partners have in common. I am thinking did I make the wrong choice with choosing her the help me with building a solid foundation for my physic to rest upon.

 Fortunate for me I had to good since to allow here to hang herself before i found someone else more qualified. Mira, from the city of Austin Texas. Told me, I was the common denominator. And without missing a breath suggested I should stop dating until I picked them better...Basically.

I told her to fuck off sat down in my chair because she was exactly the one who needed to be next to me while I learned how to properly navigate through the gifts we all receive in our journey through living.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Paradigm Shift "Swimming upstream"

Paradigm Shift "Swimming upstream"
Ms. Oprah, once said during here talk show, people will always tell you about the type of human they are without even having to ask. All one has to do is be present and listen.
We all love to talk about ourselves especially when trying to make a good impression. I make it a habit to be very clear to anyone in my life where I stand on relationships (family,friends,ex-partners who I will always hold close to my heart).
I share this today because of a gift I received in the form of a life lesson learned many years ago. Yet I had not been applying this well earned bit of wisdom to the social media environment because I failed to see the similarities in peoples behaviors.
A better bridge to the following life lesson that can only be applied properly for me when I am at a place where I am not the center of my universe. What is required for me to see past my nose is simply slowing down and getting out of my own way.
Ego, that word runs rampant in this country of "me first". I have much patience and understanding for a child whose ego runs a muck. Especially when I can give them back to my siblings with a loud toy for good measures of course.
I want to save potential would be friends and lovers time and frustration. If you are needy and demand my attention, at the expense of me not being fiscally responsible. I will never buy what you are trying to sell me. I will thank you kindly and follow, if time allows with a "have an nice life".
I would never work for you no matter how hard you tried to get me to see your way as the only right way. Self absorbed is not a character trait I find appealing.
For the hardheaded ones who did not get the first example here is another red flag for me. Do not ask me what exactly it is that I do on this site. Which on my profile covers most of it. Once more you are telling on yourself and I am grateful. What I got from you is that my time is not as important as yours (you lazy son of a ________.
When I was 21 I would do something similar to that thinking with the other head. Ready to move in and by the china. Unable to even remember if you told me your last name. I empathize with these would be suters. Game knows game. The difference is I have moved on to a different life lesson and do not desire to be on the receiving end on a person who i could never view as a peer.
I do not have the patience or the time to train. I am done for the day balance even if it is only fleeting has been restored. I am no longer swimming up stream.
Which brings me full circle. I just told on myself. It is deliberate, with adjustments made to the person in front of me as I set them up for the soft landing of a over inflated since of themselves.
You lost me shortly after, hello.
 andrew adam caldwell took these pictures


Monday, October 27, 2014

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