The reality that I created for myself. A reason for a differerent perspective.

Recently, during a conversation I had with a new acquaintance. Someone who had seen me in a few local clubs around the city. He had described my behavior around others as if "I was an alien, from another planet. Who just been teleported onto the planet in the middle of a crowd. Completely apart from everyone as an observer gathering information."

I have never had someone so close to the truth of how I feel almost every time I go outside of my hotel room or home for that matter. So accustom to being an outsider that I have taken it as a given in all situations. I do separate myself from all others. I would dare go as far as to include my family and closest friends.

Often I have posed the question, "is it better to understand or be understood?" Taking it to the extreme, I am always in the mode of trying to understand the world in which I live in.

There is a benefit that I am unwilling to give up for living my life in such a manner. I come and go as I so choose. There are very few that I answer to. No one on this planet am I tied down to. Nor is there any desire for me to do so. I still fail to se the benefit.

 The cost is great I have created a reality where I will continue to travel and live my life alone not sharing it with a single soul.

 A character defect that I must put to rest. If it is based in fear. I have lived this way for so long at present time I am unsure what is the root cause for my continued isolation.